


How to Break Free from the Past

by AlixxBlack



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt, List Fic, M/M, baz gets counseling, break up fic, counseling fic, how to heal, sad fic, therapy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:01:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlixxBlack/pseuds/AlixxBlack
Summary: A list style fanfiction that tells the story of how Baz Pitch overcame the consequences of his past in his present.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	How to Break Free from the Past

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by a [tumblr blog](https://onlinecounsellingcollege.tumblr.com/post/190222704907/how-to-break-free-of-the-past) that I follow. It prompted me to randomly write a fanfiction over a chat with a close writing buddy of mine, so I hope you enjoy it as much as that person did!

**1\. Don't think about what could or should have been.** Baz reads the sentence a second time, thinking about all the times he could've changed the way he acted towards Simon and revealed his feelings for him. Would it make it easier for Simon to accept a kiss from him now without cringing or curling away? Baz can't think about those things. He can't change them.

* * *

**2\. Ground yourself in the present; think of ONE thing you enjoy.** Baz laughs. There's not a lot to enjoy, not when Simon is refusing to attend couples counseling and ignoring the problems in their relationship. The best thing in Baz's life right now is the flirty lady that sneaks an extra cookie into his coffee shop run every Friday. She thinks she's making a connection with him but really Baz just gives the extra cookie to Simon. They can usually laugh about her efforts to connect with Baz considering how truly and very gay he is... And, oh boy, Baz is _so_ gay.

* * *

**3\. Read inspiring stories, books, quotes, and blogs.** Baz doesn't believe in false optimism, though Simon would probably say that he doesn't believe in any optimism, period, dot, end of story. He used to give inspiring speeches to his football mates, but those days are long gone. He guesses he could benefit from a positive quote or two...

"My struggle today will be my strength tomorrow," he decides after scrolling through a few inspiring banners after a quick search online.

* * *

**4\. Listen to music that helps to lift your mood.** This is the epitome of Baz's true nature. Nobody knows it, but he has a playlist for every mood. Wake up feeling grumpy, he feeds into that energy and broods in it. Maybe someone compliments him later in the morning, so he enjoys a high energy playlist to breathe life into that confidence. Simon doesn't even know about the playlists because nobody really needs to know that about him. That's too personal...

* * *

**5\. Decide to be a winner - no matter what it takes.** But what if winning means relying on someone else to want the same thing? Simon has been dodging Baz's calls and canceling plans every week. Winning to him is having Simon by his side forever, maybe at the alter someday, even. Baz wants to win him over. He already decided to do that, but the ball isn't in his court anymore.

* * *

**6\. Accept that blocks and failures are a normal part of life.** Nobody knows that this is true more so than Baz. For years he kept his attraction to Simon a secret through hatred and bullying. After working with Simon side-by-side, after leaving the world of magic, and after starting life completely over from scratch in a completely new country, Baz is perfectly aware that blocks and failures are as normal as breathing. Creating a life with Simon in it hasn't been easy, it hasn't always been fun, but it's always reminded Baz why he loves that scone-eating madman. The issue is that the failure they're facing now is the failure of their relationship. Simon can't get past his confusion over his sexuality, and no amount of repenting on Baz's part seems to be enough. There is no amount of good he can do or change he can make to make Simon see that he is so sorry for each and every mistake he's ever made. How does someone just accept that? Is it even possible?

* * *

**7\. Decide to take a step towards the life you want to have.** If Baz takes this advice, then... That means... Maybe he'll just have to move on without Simon. If Simon isn't going to go to counseling, and can't forgive Baz, and won't address the issues he's facing, then the very real possibility that Baz is facing is that he'll have to focus on himself and hope that someday Simon catches up. Baz knows what he wants. He wants to get married, have a dog, and travel the world with someone who loves him back. In his head, for years, that person has only ever been Simon bloody Snow. Now that Simon is blocking him out and shutting him down, it is looking like Baz is going to have to find his happiness elsewhere. It'll hurt, and there will always be a part of him that yearns for Simon Snow's lips pressed against his own, but Baz can't put his life and his desires on hold for a man that isn't ready for him.

* * *

**How to Break Free from the Past.** Baz didn't think he could do it when the weight of heartbreak made a fist around his throat, but each time he revisited the list his therapist gave him, it got easiest. Every day he looked at the list, and every day it got easiest to see through the haze of lovestruck sorrow. When someone flirted with him in public, it was easier to flirt back. When Simon flaked on plans again, it was easier to rebound from the pain. When someone asked him out, it didn't feel like a sin to say 'yes.' And when Simon showed up on his doorstep, desperate for validation, it wasn't the end of the world to sit with him without wanting more from their relationship. And when, many months later, Simon came to him, apologizing for letting him down as a parter, Baz could smile and forgive him.

* * *

_Fin_


End file.
